


Full Disclosure

by ElectricBlueGirl



Series: Love In Isolation [4]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElectricBlueGirl/pseuds/ElectricBlueGirl
Summary: Companion piece to Love In Isolation.After spending lockdown apart, Whitney returns and meets Callum again and he embarks on one of the biggest conversations of his life.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Whitney Dean/Callum "Halfway" Highway
Series: Love In Isolation [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814578
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	Full Disclosure

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been following these one shots. It really means the world that people are still interested in this story :)
> 
> I don't think this needs much introduction, does it? Whitney is back! This one shot takes place during the last chapter of Love In Isolation. Ben spent the day wondering aimlessly, feeling completely lost. And this is what Callum was doing. 
> 
> For those who haven't read Love In Isolation, this contains major spoilers so I would recommend reading that first. 
> 
> Enjoy and stay safe :)

**Full Disclosure  
  
  
  
**

It’s quiet in the park. There’s a lady walking her dog in the distance and what looks to be a father and his two sons kicking a ball at the opposite end of the grassy field. Two teenage girls pass him, talking animatedly to one another, and he silently wonders if they are sisters or just two friends who are defying the social distancing rules.

Lockdown has changed him in more ways than one. He’s wary of people in a way he never was before. He’s so conscious of his surroundings, making sure he’s keeping a safe distance from everyone, and it’s become part of normal life now for others to do the same and so when he sees people in such close proximity, it strikes him as odd and he finds himself wondering whether they’re breaking the rules. He can’t help it – it’s like he’s quickly become indoctrinated into this new world that surrounds them.

He’s become a bigger stickler for cleanliness and organisation too over the last couple of months. He has always maintained good hygiene and liked things to be neat and tidy but he’s taken to carrying a bottle of hand sanitizer everywhere he goes now and he’s been using the excuse to organise Ben’s house to bring more order to the thoughts in his mind. The latter has been surprisingly helpful.

But the biggest way he’s changed throughout lockdown is that he’s uncovered a part of himself that he had spent years pretending didn’t exist. It seems like so long ago since that night when he had first kissed Ben but in reality it was barely four weeks ago. So much has happened since then and looking back he’s astonished at how far he’s come in what has been such a small amount of time. Maybe Ben was right when he said he should be proud of himself.  
  
But he doesn’t feel proud, not yet at least. There’s something he has to do first before even contemplating feeling anything remotely joyous. Right now, he can’t feel happy when he’s about to break someone’s heart.

Callum sits at the picnic table and looks out across the park. He can feel the wooden slats of the bench beneath him dig into his thighs from sitting there for too long but he’d wanted to get here early, he’d wanted to be prepared. A flask sits on top of the table in front of him, hot tea waiting to be drank. He’d made sure to buy milk this time and he’s made it just the way she likes it. He knows it won’t make a difference in the end, the tea will be the last thing she will be bothered about, but it makes him feel a little better anyway, not that he has a right to.

He’s nervous, feeling like his heart is in his mouth, and he can’t seem to stop his hands from shaking. He’s already overly anxious from thinking about it but he tries to take back some control of himself, reminding himself that this will be far worse for her and that he’s doing the right thing. Some would argue he should have done this weeks ago, but hiding behind a telephone call or feeling the safety of distance with a video call, well, that would have been a cowardly thing to do. He owes it to the girl he cares so much about to sit and face her and tell her the truth. He needs to do this.

He sees her then. Whitney. She’s at the opposite end of the field just passing the small children playing football with their Dad. She’s far enough away that he can’t make out her face, but close enough that he can tell it’s her, and as she gets closer he takes a deep breath, praying that this won’t hurt her any more than it has to.

Callum watches as she approaches, heels clacking along the tarmac of the path that runs alongside the grass, before falling silent as she steps onto it, as she makes her way over the picnic table he is sitting at. She slows down as she gets closer before coming to stop altogether and he smiles a little at seeing her face again and having her near because despite it all, he still loves her, just not in the way he thought he could.

She’s wearing a flowery chiffon top that floats in the wind, the hooped earrings she’s wearing catch the light of the sun and she’s carrying with her a handbag, her grasp firmly around the strap as it hangs from her shoulder.

She’s here. His Whitney.

Only she’s not his Whitney anymore is she? Maybe she never really was.

He notices the expression on her face then. Her eyebrows are knitted together and she’s looking at him in what he can only describe as apprehension. He thinks he should probably say something but she beats him to it.

“Hello Callum.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Whitney sits across from him now, perched on the wooden bench at the farthest end of the table. He’s poured her some tea, and she has her hands wrapped around the small plastic cup now, looking down into it with the same apprehension on her face that she had arrived with.  
  
“How’ve you been?” he asks her, not sure how to start.  
  
He’s never broken up with someone before, didn’t think he ever would. The girls he’s been out on dates with over the last few years have been easy enough to bring to an end, most of them ending naturally when there was no spark. But with Whitney, they’ve been together for a year now, they’ve built something together in that time, and he doesn’t know what the procedure is for something like this.  
  
“Yeah, alright. You?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, you know.”  
  
She looks up at him then. “That’s it though Callum, I don’t know, do I?” He nods, looking down at his own tea which prompts her to speak again. “Look, just be honest with me. Are you breaking up with me?”  
  
His eyes meet hers again and he can see the way she’s readying herself for this. She knows. He can see the way she’s holding herself, sitting high now with her shoulders back. She always has been the strong one.  
  
“I didn’t want it to be like this,” Callum responds. There’s a flicker in her gaze at the confirmation. “I thought I could make it work but – "  
  
“Is this because of the distance?” she asks and he hears the wobble in her voice now. “Because I know it’s been hard and it was longer than we thought it would be but I’m back now aren’t I?”  
  
He shakes his head. “It’s not because of the distance.”  
  
“If I’d known before how long I was gonna be away for I’d have stayed here with you.”  
  
“I know, but it’s not that – "  
  
“Is it because I got so busy?” she continues, cutting him off. “Is it because we hardly got chance to talk? I should have made more time for us shouldn’t I?”  
  
He shakes his head again, stretching an arm out across the table towards her before remembering he’s not allowed to do that. He sighs, withdrawing it again and looking at the confusion on her face.  
  
“It’s nothing that you’ve done,” he says, hoping to reassure her even though he doubts it will make her feel better. But he can’t have her believing she has caused this in some way, not when it’s all him.  
  
“Well then, what is it? I know you haven’t met anyone ‘cause we’ve all been in lockdown.”  
  
He shifts his gaze away from her, looking down at the table in front of him. In all the ways he has imagined this conversation would go, he hadn’t thought she would be the one to give him an opening. But the tone in her voice, the firm belief that there’s been no one else makes him feel worse. She trusts him and he’s gone and broken that trust and now he’s got to break her heart too.  
  
“Callum?”  
  
He looks up at her, feels his heart racing when he says, “I-I have.”  
  
Whitney frowns, not understanding. “What? But, but how is that even possible? You’ve, you’ve not been anywhere. How have you…..?”  
  
Callum can see the way her eyes are filling with tears now, a mix of hurt and confusion. Perhaps it would have been easier to just tell her that he was attracted to men and keep any mention of Ben out of it but she deserves the truth. If he and Ben have a future as he’s hopeful they do, she will only find out eventually anyway. He would much rather it came from him.  
  
She’s looking at him carefully, having trailed off from her questioning. She’s waiting on him, looking to him for an answer that will make sense to her. It’s now or never.  
  
“It’s Ben,” he tells her, voice shaking a little around the words as he feels his own eyes prickle.  
  
“Ben? What d’you mean Ben? I don’t know what that means.”  
  
He looks down that the wooden top of the picnic table again, trying to put into words the things he has so far been unable to but it’s hard when he’s still trying to get a grapple on this himself.  
  
“I’ve spent years trying to avoid it. Kept running away from it. And I didn’t think……I never meant for this to happen. I’ve been so happy with you Whit. I don’t want you to think that it was all a lie or that none of it was real because it was. You mean so much to me and we were happy – that was real. I just thought I could ignore it but I can’t.”  
  
“Ignore what? What are you talking about?” She’s getting frustrated now. He can hear it in her voice. “You’re telling me all of these things but I don’t understand what you’re saying.”  
  
And yeah, that’s a fair enough statement because it’s true, he’s skirting around it. There’s a three letter word sitting heavily on the tip of his tongue and he knows that if he could just say it then she would realise what he’s been trying to say immediately but he can’t. He _can’t say it_. Why does it have to be so fucking hard? Whitney is sitting here in front of him confused and hurt and he’s making matters worse and yet he still can’t say that stupid little word.  
  
He tries again.  
  
“All these years I’ve felt like there was something missing, like something wasn’t right.”  
  
“What, and that’s _Ben_?”  
  
She still doesn’t get it. He sighs, shaking his head, feeling himself getting mad at his inability to say the words that would make this clearer.  
  
“No, it’s not really about Ben. It’s……” He moves his hands in motions as if trying to conjure up the right words, clenching his fingers the more he struggles.  
  
He glances back at her just as the confused expression falls from her face and it’s almost as if he can see the exact moment she puts it all together, her eyes flickering a little as the pieces fit together in her head.  
  
Callum squeezes his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay. He shouldn’t be the one crying right now. He doesn’t deserve to.  
  
“Are…..are you bisexual?” he hears Whitney ask.  
  
He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes tighter but tears escape anyway and he feels the wetness of them on his cheek. Even without looking at her he knows what’s coming so her next question doesn’t surprise him.  
  
“Are you……?” A pause. “Are you gay?”  
  
Callum takes a moment, the words now out there between them. He doesn’t have to say them, just has to confirm. It still feels like a massive leap into the unknown when he nods his head. He looks up at her because he needs to see her reaction, needs to see how much she must hate him now.  
  
Whitney exhales loudly, almost like she’s been holding her breath and something inside her has been punctured. He’s never heard anything quite like it before and it tears at his heart.  
  
She wipes hastily at her face, breathing heavily and he can read her well enough after being together for a year that he can see that she’s trying to stop herself from crying. She shouldn’t have to, not for his benefit.  
  
“I don’t…….” She shakes her head and starts again. “Why did you……? You and me.”  
  
He nods in understanding.  
  
_Why did you get into a relationship with me in the first place? Why did you ask me out on that first date? Why did you kiss me that first time in the middle of the Square for everyone to see? Why did you kiss me that second time when it was just us and no one else around? Why did you tell me you liked me? Why did you let me believe you loved me?_  
  
Whitney could be asking any one of those questions or all of them at the same time but he understands nonetheless. He just wishes he could give her a good enough answer. As it goes, it doesn’t think he has one.  
  
Because the truth is they were happy. Perhaps a year is only a small amount of time in the grand scale of life but it’s a year filled with memories. Even the small, insignificant moments all amount to something. That hasn’t changed just because he’s realised that he could never feel for her in the same way he feels for Ben. He cares so much about her and that time together is something he still treasures.  
  
“Have you always known?” Whitney asks now, filling in the silence.  
  
“I think, a part of me, yeah, but I always thought it would go away one day. Or, I hoped it would anyway.” And he has always known deep down, hasn’t he? He’s just never allowed himself close enough to understand it, accept it, live it. With Ben he’s learning to do those things now and it’s still terrifying but he’s finding joy on the otherside of the darkness.  
  
If it hadn’t been for the pandemic and the lockdown then perhaps he would have spent his whole life running scared, refusing to acknowledge the truth. It’s a strange realisation; this could all have been so different.  
  
That thought leads him to a new kind of fear – the fear of never getting to experience what life with Ben could be like. And it’s thoughts like that that only serve to reinforce what he feels: he’s in love with Ben, can feel it deep into his bones. He’d told Ben yesterday morning that he was falling in love with him but it’s as clear as crystal to him now – he’s already fallen. He’s undeniably and wholeheartedly in love with the man.  
  
But Whitney is still here with him and while there’s a part of him that feels like he’s floating with the realisation, there’s another part of him that is still breaking with the way this is hurting the person sitting across the picnic table from him. It grounds him, bringing him back to the here and now.  
  
“When I met you, we just clicked didn’t we?” he continues, picking up where he left off. “We got on really well and had a laugh and, I don’t know, you made me feel good about myself. I wanted you in my life and I loved who we were, I still do – "  
  
“But?”  
  
“But it always felt like something wasn’t right. Like things didn’t fit together properly. I don’t want you thinking I wasn’t happy though because I was. It’s not like I spent every day feeling like something was missing. It was just something always there in the background and I ignored it most of the time because I really was happy.” He knows he’s repeating himself but he needs her to know that he hasn’t been using her for the past year, needs her to know that she means so very much to him.  
  
She’s quiet for a long time before she asks, “Is that why you’ve been so quiet these past few weeks? I mean, I know I’ve been busy with my lot but you’ve been quiet too. Is that why?”  
  
“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. It didn’t feel right to do that. I’m sorry if I should have.” He hopes it was the right decision.  
  
Whitney shrugs. “It’s typical you really, isn’t it? Course you wouldn’t be the type of bloke who breaks up with someone over the phone. I don’t know which I’d have preferred to be honest.”  
  
“I never wanted to hurt you. Not ever.”  
  
“I know,” she responds tearily. “Um….you said, you said it was Ben. When I was saying about you not meeting anyone, you said it was Ben. Is that…..Have you and him….?”  
  
She leaves the rest of the question unspoken and he knows that she deserves his honesty, even if he is several weeks too late in giving her it.  
  
“I’m so sorry Whit. I wish I could’ve done it different.”  
  
“When?” she questions.  
  
He thinks back to that Thursday night just a few weeks ago. They had ordered in a takeaway, Ben had danced around the room to Shania Twain and somehow dragged Callum up with him. They’d been laughing and dancing and his cheeks had been aching from smiling so much and then everything had changed and he’d kissed Ben because he couldn’t hold back anymore. And once they had kissed he had wanted anything he could get, the force of it too strong to keep away from.  
  
“I don’t know. There was this night last month when we got closer and – "  
  
“Stop, stop!” she says, waving her hands to stop him from talking. “I've changed my mind, I don’t wanna know.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“No, I asked. Thought I wanted to know but actually, don’t think I can right now.”  
  
Callum nods even though she’s looking down at the table and the cup of tea which must be going cold now. His own has been sitting in front of him and forgotten about too. He feels he should be filling in their silences but he doesn’t want to overload her. She’s hurting and in shock and confused and that probably doesn’t even scratch the surface of how she’s feeling.  
  
He wishes, not for the first time, that he could hug her – comfort her in some way. He knows he can’t though, constantly aware of having to maintain a distance and besides, even if he could, how comforting would it really be to be hugged by the man who is causing the pain?  
  
God, she means the world to him. How he wishes he could have done things differently now.  
  
“Do you, uh……do you have feelings for him?” she’s asking now, looking up at him again. He nods a little, not wanting to hurt her any more than he already is. “And him?”  
  
“He says so, yeah.”  
  
It’s Whitney’s turn to nod now. She tries to smile but Callum can see beyond it.  
  
“Why did you ever think you could pretend to be something you weren’t?”  
  
He takes a deep, shaky breath. Callum doubts he’ll ever really know the answer to that question. “I don’t know. I wish I knew why I’ve spent my whole life running but I don’t. It would have been easier for all of us if I hadn’t but I didn’t much like the idea of the alternative.”  
  
“And now?”  
  
He shrugs. “Now I can’t run anymore. There’s all these voices in my head telling me to but I can’t.”  
  
Whitney closes her eyes. When she opens them again, she looks at him carefully and after a moment she’s shaking her head. “Why do you have to be the nicest bloke in the world?”  
  
The words surprise him. He doesn’t feel particularly nice right now. If anything, he feels like the worst person on the planet to be doing this to do her.  
  
“I want to be angry with you,” she tells him, “I want to hate you, but mostly I’m just…..I’m just sad. For both of us really.” She sees him frown so explains. “I’m sad for myself because I love you Callum and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I felt so lucky being with someone like you and I thought I had the whole of my life mapped out. And I’m sad for you because you’ve spent your life hiding who you are and feeling like you couldn’t be true to yourself. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.”  
  
How can she be so understanding about this? She’s really trying to be supportive even though she’s clearly hurting and he doesn’t deserve her care.  
  
“I don’t expect you to understand any of this,” he says, voicing his thoughts.  
  
“But I do. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like I understand it all, or like understanding the bits I do makes it better in some way because it doesn’t. You’ve hurt me and I know you didn’t mean to and you didn’t want to but you have. But I think you’ve hurt yourself a lot along the way too. Neither of us deserve to hurt do we?”  
  
He shakes his head, trying to follow what she’s saying. He wipes at his eyes as fresh tears start to roll down his cheeks.  
  
“Right,” Whitney says. “Well then, we need to go forward and try not to hurt anymore. Yeah, I wish you’d been honest with me about who you were from the start but we’re here now, neither of us can change it. And at least you told me, you know, in the end. And now you need to go and be happy and I do too because that’s what we deserve.”  
  
Whitney sounds so sure in her words, so certain, and as he’s looking at her he sees what she’s trying to do. She’s trying to take care of him, look after him, help him feel okay even though she’s the one who has just had her heart broken. The pain is still in her eyes but she’s always been so strong and he thinks maybe that’s what she needs for herself right now – to be strong.  
  
Callum wants to tell her that she can talk to him any time, that he’ll always be here, but he’s not sure if that’s something that would mean much to her right now. So instead he nods because if there’s one thing he can do for her it’s to listen to her words and do as she says. He’s not sure if he deserves happiness, but if it’s there for him like it could be with Ben, then he’ll take whatever he can get of it anyway.  
  
“What are you going to do now?” he asks for want of something to say. “Now that you’re back?”  
  
“I started some designs while I was away. I’ve been thinking about maybe setting up my own business.”  
  
Callum smiles a little. Whitney has always been interested in fashion design and he’s glad that the time away has given her the time to make a start on something she has been so passionate about.  
  
“You’ve always wanted to do that,” Callum says. “You’d be good at it.”  
  
“Maybe,” she nods. “And you?”  
  
What is he going to do now? He hasn’t got a clear idea of where he’s going, just that he wants to go there with Ben at his side, wherever that may lead.  
  
“I don’t know. Guess I’ll just see where the road takes me.”  
  
Whitney nods again and then stands, signalling the end of their conversation.  
  
“Thank you for telling me,” she says. “It’d be nice to think that maybe one day we could be friends?”  
  
It’s more than he had expected and the thought of them being friends one day fills him with hope. He doesn’t want to lose her, he never did.  
  
“I’d really like that.”  
  
She smiles, wiping at the corners of her eyes again and pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder.  
  
“Be happy, yeah?”  
  
“You too,” he says and with that she turns and starts to walk away.  
  
He watches her leave until she’s eventually out of sight and he prays with everything he has that she’s going to be okay. He thought he would feel different afterwards, like the world would somehow crack in two the moment he admitted the truth, but he doesn’t and it hasn’t. He’s just broken up with Whitney, had the biggest conversation of his life and admitted to being gay for the first time ever. And yet the world is still turning. Of everything he had expected, it hadn’t been anything like this. He needs a moment to let it properly sink in.  
  
Pulling out his phone from his pocket he sends off a quick message.  
  
_‘Talked to Whit. Everything ok but that was a lot. Think I need a minute. Can I call you later?’_  
  
He had promised to let Ben know how he was as soon as he could and even though he needs some time to himself to get his head around the conversation he has just had, he doesn’t want Ben to worry. He knows Ben has a habit of doubting everyone and everything around him. It’s like he’s grown so used to bad things happening to him that when something good comes along he thinks it can’t possibly be real. Callum hopes he can change that. Ben is taking a chance on him and Callum is determined not to let him down.  
  
When he doesn’t get a response from Ben straight away, he assumes he must be busy. Pocketing the phone again, he stands from the picnic table, pouring out the two plastic cups of tea that never got drank and picking up the flask in his other hand.  
  
It’s time to go home.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once he is back in his flat, Callum sits down and goes over his conversation with Whitney in his mind again. It was a conversation he had been building up to for days and now that he’s had it and it’s over with it doesn’t quite feel real. He can start the rest of his life now, he has a whole future ahead of him but he’s not sure where to begin. In truth, he’s still questioning whether he deserves to be happy even though Whitney has practically given him her blessing.  
  
She was so understanding. He still can’t get his head around that. He had expected her to hate him, scream at him, or at the very least not want to talk to him at all. But she had been so supportive even though she was hurting herself. He was so lucky to have her so close to him for the time that he did and he just hopes that one day, in time, they can get that closeness back. He thinks that given a chance they could perhaps be very good friends.  
  
He looks across at the photographs of her on his photo board wondering if he should take them down. He decides against it in the end. Whitney’s belongings are scattered around the flat but he has no urge to box any of them up, not just yet. He will but the break up is still fresh and is yet to properly sink in yet. It’s going to take some time. Callum knows breaking up with her was the only option – he is so certain it’s Ben he wants to be with and seeing Whitney today wouldn’t have changed that – but he still feels a strange kind of sadness, lamenting a life he’s now leaving behind even though he’s ready to move forward in this new one he’s recently discovered. It’s a bittersweet feeling.  
  
Callum finds himself pottering around the flat after a while, trying to fill the endless amounts of time he seems to have now. Eventually he decides to cook himself some dinner. It’s early evening and the rumbling in his stomach reminds him that he didn’t have lunch earlier. He rummages through the cupboards to see what he has and decides on pasta in the end.  
  
Cooking has always been a passion of his and before lockdown he cooked for himself most nights, storing any leftovers away for the evenings when he was too tired or trying to fit a meal around his shifts at work. Now though, as he stands over the oven and gives the pasta a stir to stop it from sticking to the bottom of the pan, he can’t help but feel a little half-hearted.  
  
Something isn’t right. He can’t put his finger on what it is though. He thinks about Whitney and about their earlier conversation but no, he doesn’t think it’s that. So he thinks about Ben instead, wonders what he’s doing right now, and as he does he feels a pang in his chest. He focuses back on the pasta after that but he feels more unsettled now that he’s thought of Ben. Surely he can’t be missing him already can he? It’s barely been eight hours since he last saw him.  
  
Callum tries to put all of his attention on his cooking but pasta is simple, there’s not a lot for him to do to distract himself, and he wishes he had chosen to make something more complicated. When he finishes, he sits in front of the television whilst he eats, feeling strange to be sitting on the sofa rather than at Ben’s kitchen table.  
  
Everything feels strange if he’s honest. Different. There’s a draft coming from somewhere, he’s sure of it, the temperature in the flat feeling cooler than what he’s grown used to which doesn’t make any sense. He’s lived in this flat for two years now and only been at Ben’s for two months so why is it taking so long to settle back in?  
  
After he’s eaten, he washes up and then tries to waste time by cleaning over the kitchen units and the top of the oven several times. When he starts to get more restless, he decides having a shower might help. Changing out of his clothes and putting on some comfier ones and getting ready for bed will surely help.  
  
He finds out, just short of an hour later that that hasn’t helped either. Maybe he should call Ben. He had said he would after all. But Ben has been quiet. He had responded to Callum's message assuring him he would be there whenever Callum was ready but he hasn't said anything since. The logical part of Callum's brain tells him that Ben is waiting on him but there's a voice that suggests that Ben is most likely dealing with the separation a lot better than he is.  
  
He scoffs. Separation? He’s acting as though they’re joined at the hip. They’re not even in a proper relationship and yet he feels so completely lost without Ben. He wonders what Ben would make of it if he knew how much Callum was missing him. Would he laugh and think he was silly? No, not if the way Callum had felt him gripping onto him that morning is anything to go by. Neither of them had wanted to let go. He decides he’s probably overthinking, a trait he seems to have picked up from Ben during the last couple of months. He’ll contact Ben. Just maybe in an hour or two so he doesn't look so needy.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The time passes slowly and as it does Callum feels himself growing more and more irritable. He’s worked out what the problem is now. It’s this flat. Nothing about it feels right anymore. It’s like he doesn’t fit. Perhaps with a few days of being back it will get easier but he doesn’t know how he’s going to manage the night let alone the next few days.  
  
The weekend seems like a long way away and he suddenly regrets saying he would see Ben then. Why couldn’t he have told Ben he would pick up the rest of his things tomorrow? He wishes he didn’t have to pick them up at all if he's being honest with himself. He never wanted to leave Ben’s house in the first place but Ben had told him yesterday morning that it was their last day so he was obviously ready for Callum to leave. And it did make sense really because living at Ben’s was never supposed to be a long-term thing but fuck, he wishes it could have been.  
  
This doesn’t feel like home anymore. Home is a house that is ten minutes away with a garden and a newly painted door and a kitchen that let’s in all the sunlight in the mornings and a bed that is warm and cosy and smells like someone he’s fallen in love with. Home is strong arms surrounding him and soft kisses pressed into his skin and the sound of laughter reverberating all around him. Home is……  
  
A giggle escapes him when the realisation hits him. There’s tears building in his eyes and he giggles some more and it’s the strangest of feelings. Relief, happiness, fulfilment – there’s a long list of emotions he feels. Because he sees it now, the completed picture of the puzzle he’s been trying for so long to put together. He sees it so clearly, no longer distorted or blurry. He’s figured out the last piece and it's perhaps the most important piece of all.  
  
Home is Ben. Ben is his home. The answer is Ben. It will always be Ben.  
  
Ben, Ben, Ben.  
  
God, he wants to shout that name from the rooftops. Wants to tell anyone who will listen that he is in love with Ben.  
  
Callum reaches for his phone, no longer worried about what Ben will think about how much he misses him. He’s not ashamed or embarrassed to admit it – he misses Ben. He loves Ben.  
  
The phone rings and rings but when Ben doesn’t answer he hangs up. Unperturbed, he sends a message instead.  
  
_‘Can I come over?’_  
  
Not waiting for a response, he’s already up on his feet and crossing the flat to find something appropriate to throw on over his t-shirt and jog pants. It’s late and Ben might not want him turning up at his house at almost midnight but Callum is done being a passenger in his own life. If he wants something, he’s going to go out there and get it.  
  
When Callum’s phone pings just moments later, he picks it up and smiles at the single word he sees on the screen.  
  
_‘Always.’_  
  
And good, because he is already half way out of the door now. Callum really hopes he means that because he wants an always with Ben.  
  
And okay, maybe he can’t exactly move in with Ben permanently, Ben might not want that, but he’s going to back to that house and he’s going to stay for however long Ben is willing to have him because he can no longer imagine his life without that man in it anymore.  
  
The puzzle finally feels complete now. He’s going home. He’s going home to Ben.


End file.
